Dreams coming true at age sixty six
Happy International Women’s Day 2022.
I live in the Northern Rivers of NSW, which is experiencing the worst flood event on record. There is an abundance of heroism being showcased in my local community and trying to think of one woman to celebrate today is almost impossible. As the floods take everyone for a sickening ride, I’m going to keep it close to my heart.. and hero my Mum.
She recently flew here, into a natural disaster zone, to help me when my husband was separated from us. She looked after my baby 24/7, cooked all our meals, did the washing, and cleaned the house so we could get on the ground and help the people in real need. She helped me, help them, and without her I couldn’t have done that.
Like many women from her generation, she sacrificed her own aspirations for the sake of her family’s, but nonetheless, she did have her own little dream tucked away in her back pocket, waiting to be realised when the time in history was right. Her dream was to own her own horse and a farm to put it on. Her dream came true when she was 66 years old (what a crazy retirement plan).
She grew up in regional NSW, with her two sisters, in an area where affluence was scarce. Both her parents (my grandparents) were in WWII, and unknowingly to them, brought their children up with trauma running through their little veins. My Mum worked extremely hard to find a ticket out of her hometown, and got a scholarship to a college in Sydney University. As she embarked on life away from home, as a bright young woman, her Dad was hit by a drunk driver at a pedestrian crossing, an off duty policeman as fate would have it. My Granddad subsequently became a paraplegic and spent a year in the spinal unit at Prince Henry Hospital in Little Bay, Sydney. My beloved Grandma, Mum and Aunt were his carers for two years once he got home, but he eventually passed away on Christmas Day, three years after the accident.
My Grandmother is a heroine in her own right. She became a single Mum raising a young daughter (with two older daughters who had left home), and tried to make ends meet while dealing with grief. I come from a long line of strong women, and my Grandma is the epitome of resilience. She lived through The Depression, a war, was one of seven children, lost a sibling and was a widow for most of her life.
Parenthood again tested my Mum (as it does for many), as my sister experienced a plethora of health complications both physical and mental growing up. And I gave my Mum her fair share of trouble too. Through these testing times though, Mum stayed afloat and managed to keep that little dream alive, prioritising everyone else in her family except herself. Patiently waiting for the right moment.
Mum desperately wanted a farm because she loves being outside and she loves animals. It’s her therapy and where she feels most calm. Growing up without the mental health support systems that we are now accustomed to, she knew Nature was where she must go to recalibrate and ground herself. She taught my sister and I to appreciate the beauty in the natural world. She still walks outside, and says things like… ‘Can you feel that beautiful, cool air on your skin Brigid! Isn’t it wonderful!’ She's like a kid, it’s great. Without her love for nature rubbing off on me, I doubt Sunsmith would even exist. Studies have shown that children whose parents enjoy outdoor recreation are more likely to also enjoy the outdoors and feel more compelled to care for it.
The feminist in me doesn’t agree with Mum giving up her own career and dreams to support my Dad’s, to support her kids, and having to wait so long to get what she truly wanted. But in the same breath, she is of a different generation and forged the path for me to live a different life with more opportunity and I am grateful for that. International women’s day isn’t about shouting from the rooftops all the injustices we still experience, it’s about taking stock of where we’ve been as a group before this day and appreciating the unique experiences women had before us, to get us to where we are now as a collective. Understanding that change happens slowly, but it does happen. The difference in my Mum’s life compared to mine, let alone my Grandmothers, in terms of opportunity, is utterly astounding, and I have them to thank for that. My Mum’s motto is to have courage and be kind, and resilience will grow from there.
No matter how many times you get derailed in life, or how many times as a woman you put other people before yourself, look to your ancestors and harness the strength that they have bestowed upon you. Be kind to yourself and know that someday, just like my Mum, you will have the strength to put yourself first, fight for what you want, and one day get it. You may be 66 when it finally happens but at least you'll be going out with a bang.
My Mum walking on her farm with my daughter